bridges03: never heal faded scars [c]

It had been one of the few nights the young doctor actually fell asleep with relative ease... though perhaps the half empty bottle of sake and toppled prescription bottle held some manner of cause. Nevertheless, the young noblewoman slept with a peaceful mind, perhaps the only time where her thoughts were not a constant stream of chaotic scenarios of what her mind perceived.

The past few weeks had brought more and more work to the woman, and while such workload would drive many mad, it helped to alleviate her stress, in a sense; allowing her mind to focus entirely upon her work, rather than have her thoughts scattered about. It also aided in keeping herself distant from the stress of her family, one of the largest current stressors of her life.

The other stressor, however... well, work was only just now starting to affect her mental and spiritual state of mind. With the young Lieutenant, Izumi; a woman who greatly aided the spiritually corrupted doctor, among the missing, and her current sealing methods proving more and more inadequate, the young noblewoman found her nights sleepless, that is, without the combination of liquor and self-medication.

Perhaps had she simply allowed herself to remain focused in her spiritual arts and not succumb to her addiction, she would have taken notice, even in her slumber, of the entity breaking into her room; silent, and with a spiritual residue that seemed near nonexistent... and completely unfamiliar.

>>“Yonbantai-Taichou Kawa Shimizu, your reckoning is upon you.”

Like an ice-cold splash of water upon a drunkard, the young woman's eyes widened. No presence other than her own was ever expected within her living quarters, and certainly not within the confinements of her bed chambers. Such an eerie statement spoken like a slithering monster of legend brought the sleeping doctor to a heightened state of alert, her mind rushing into overdrive as adrenaline coursed through her body. A comforter and sheet were hurled into the air as Kawa rolled out from beneath; whatever she could throw to deter the invader's vision likely not enough to provide much cover, though the woman did what she could with the little reaction time provided to her.

"Bakud--"

Her words were muttered, but a tightly closed fist brought tendrils of golden light to spark near the shadow. However, she immediately halted her efforts, the momentary spike of her own spiritual aura, fluctuating ever so grandly, diminishing almost in a near instant as her senses truly awakened. The tendrils exploded in a brilliance of light that lightly rained around the creature, though threatened it not. Her bedding fell to the floor, revealing the young Yonbantai-Taicho in a sky-blue negligee, chest rising and falling with silent, yet hastened breath. One naturally teal-colored hue, the other near crimson red, stared intently upon the ghostly figure that invaded her privacy with seemingly relative ease. Had this creature wished death upon her, it could have without awakening her with its demonically toned words.

Death was not something she wished, at least, not at the present moment. Antagonizing this creature would only further complicate the already bizarre scenario that had been placed before her. Rather, despite the obvious breech in security and the 'monster-under-the-bed' atmosphere, Kawa remained crouched beside her bedstead, hand placed upon the wooden backing seemingly for balance as she slowly began to stand in full. Her senses confused her; visually, it appeared like someone was in her room, some cloaked figure, though spiritually...

"I've known that for quite some time," Kawa finally spoke after her muttered dispel. Her eyes continued to remain locked upon the figure as her mind riddled through what this apparition was and why it was here, apparently, for her.

>>“A killer, a scientist, a healer, a wizard, a hero. Five souls for the cause of saving the Soul Society. And this one brings his orders from a place Kawa Shimizu has never been. A place where she may never fully go. A place after the death of death.”

Kawa remained silent during the dialog. Just as much as the man before her examined every movement she made, every syllable she spoke, she too attempted to dissect every speck of information, no matter how minuscule it may have been, from the manner in which it revealed its mask to the tone of its voice and mannerisms as it spoke. Any small fragment of information expressed was analyzed greatly within the young woman's intellect, stored within a vast array of her distinguished memory, to be recalled upon at a moment's notice, should a later date require.

Multicolored hues shifted briefly, keeping the shadow upon her focus, though allowing the shining steel to catch her eyes. The blade pointed to the syringe within her grasp, though no desire was held within a single fraction of her soul at the moment to make use of the item the shadow had provided... at least, that's what she had attempted to continue telling herself. As an analyst and desire of things unknown, she couldn't help her curiosity over the contents of the glowing liquid within the vial, nor the extent of exactly what effects would transpire should she follow this demonic presence' riddled demand.

The young noblewoman couldn't stop her heart from racing. Such a scenario was far beyond her comprehension at the moment, and while the obvious options were placed before her, Kawa felt unable to perform either action; to take this mysterious drug from some demonic presence seemed almost laughable. To fight this creature in an attempt to save her own ass seemed illogical. This being held knowledge that far surpassed many within the Gotei, despite the little information it provided; knowledge of Izumi, understanding of her current situation, and in regards to her own inner turmoil... well, that was something she herself barely understood. To fight against such a knowledgeable foe would be far too reckless. If it could produce such a dense barrier with relative ease beyond the perception of Kawa herself, she would be unlikely to survive such an encounter. She may have been a Captain of the Gotei, and a soldier of its command... but she wasn't an idiot.

>>“This is an order from the Reio himself. Kawa Shimizu is to master her hollow infection so that she may assist in the saving of the Soul Society. If she denies this divine command from god himself, this one will kill her on this night.”

Upon his final word, the young doctor finally took notice. Had she not been so entirely focused upon the spiritual being that seemed far too difficult to analyze via spiritual sensing, she perhaps could have taken notice of the dense barrier that, only just then, had finalized its procedure and gave a light pulse upon its completion. As a defensive kido specialist herself, it would require a great deal of energy to break such a barrier... one that would likely be too difficult to extract while facing an enemy filled with far too many unknowns.

>>“The choice is yours. Death, or tomorrow.”

So, the order came from him. Perhaps it made sense that this entity knew more about her than she herself knew. Four others were also likely to have been met that night with a similar circumstance, at least, from what this entity stated. Truth be told, there was still the chance this was all a ruse, and information could have been gathered over time through careful surveillance. From the single-word descriptions, and the fact that she, a healer, was a Captain, she could summarize the others that were likely chosen... or targeted. Were the intentions a trap, this ghost could have injected the vile himself while she slumbered, or slaughtered her in her sleep. As her mind continued to work in the elongated silence between them, realization soon began to filter through her expression, and the woman stood in full, back straightened, and her arms lowered to her side.

"Well, that really fucking blows," the woman finally spoke, not speaking of the possibilities of the concoction within the vial being the final answer to her most challenging inquiry, but simply being upset that her one night's rest had been awakened to face such a heavily weighted scenario. From the high king himself, it seemed... The woman lightly tossed her weapon onto the futon, which bounced lightly before resting toward the end of the bed. With it seeming she had finally made her own decision, she turned away from the shadow toward the sliding closet, and slid the door open.

Assuming whatever was in the vial would likely alter her spiritual state, such a fluctuation of reiatsu levels like what she had witnessed with her former lover would likely gather attention, should the barrier the shadow enforced be removed, or shatter under the intensity. As such, her chosen nightwear didn't seem all that appropriate to be found in, should the vast trial she would likely come to face end her existence. Having been temporarily exiled from her family's estate from a rather recent turn of events, she was left with only what little she had salvaged during her rather theatrical leave. Then again, did clothes even matter? Would they likely be torn to shreds? Well, if not, then Kawa wished not to have her corpse found in the dainty and revealing negligee she had improperly chosen for this particular evening.

A quick change out and into her Shinigami attire; outer kosode only to save time, and leaving the cloth wrappings and shitagi aside. When she was at least satisfied her figure wouldn't be ill gazed should her body be discovered upon a failed attempt, the woman turned back toward her bed, vile still within her grasp, and sat upon the bed, eyes gazed upon the nightstand. She leaned over and picked up the toppled bottle of sake, and cleaned up the light spill of pills and placed them back within the prescription bottle. A few were left out within her palm, as a brief moment of revealing clarity seemed to wash over her features. Though just as quickly as it had come, it washed away as she palmed her mouth and dry-swallowed what was once within her grasp. She then washed away the taste with a nice gulp of room-temperature sake, before realizing she could no longer delay the inevitable.

"You got a name?" Kawa asked as she looked down upon the vile, uncertainty teetering upon her masked trembling shoulders, though it appeared she would be following the entity's wishes. It seemed she would be abiding, as a single cloth was then wrapped around the upper part of her left arm, tightly. There wasn't much else to do now... was there? Any doubt still lingering not only with Kawa herself, but within the entirety of the encased room would be washed away as the young doctor injected the needle into her arm...

And her entire existence...

A rather rough transition; Kawa did not fall so easily into her subconscious as she would have wished. A great deal of pain spread throughout her body, igniting a electrical fire that forced every muscle in her body to tense before, outwardly, her body grew limp and fell unconscious. Within, the pain only exceeded her, tearing apart her flesh, and feeling as though every piece of her body was being burned away, leaving her in nothing but bones and what remained of the connecting tendons keeping her together. Every scream, every shout, every cry of pain only filled her lungs with a thick liquid, increasing the pain with the sensation of complete suffocation, bringing sting-filled tears pouring down her flesh-less checks, until...

"Gah-Uuuuuh!!!!" A gasp that fully expanded her lungs beyond any logical means as teal-colored eyes shrank in a pool of purely widened and frightened ivory. Immediately, the doctor reached for her chest, breathing in the life she had felt she had lost just moments ago, as though being resuscitated from an eon-lasting dormancy. Her body trembled, quivered even as she sat up along the beaches of, what she assumed, was her own inner world... though what she had felt just moments ago forced her body to curl and her mind teetering the balance between fantasy and reality. Pressing the tips of her fingers along various points on her skull, she attempted to calm her nerves, and assure herself that what she had felt wasn't the ending of her life... and piece-by-piece, she brought her mentality to a more formidable place.

"Mizukitsune!!" Kawa shouted out to her vastly changed inner world, hoping to hail some form response from her inner world's residence, but to no prevail. It was to be expected from her currently grim situation that her Zanpakuto spirit would be absent from whatever awaited her... though the fact that her thoughts were confirmed sent an eerie, sinking weight within the pit of her stomach. Swallowing hard, the woman stand full and attempted to fully gaze upon the changing atmosphere around her.

The starlit sky seemed vacant of the many constellations that Kawa had come to adore, instead bringing a blackened violent tint along the half-moon's rays. From above, it rained... an element Kawa had certainly become accustomed to within her inner world, but this rain was far different. It bore the same glowing hue that the young doctor recognized from the vial; a visual touch to the medical properties she had injected moments ago.

The ocean along the very beach Kawa had awakened bubbled and wreaked of death, though was a stench the woman knew all too well. The thick sludge began to pool and move of its own accord, something Kawa had witnessed several times before... though as it continued to move rather methodically, her thin brows pinched inward as the thick tendrils that would escape the pond every now and then, finally moved in a manner that attempted to form a single shape.

Like a vast sea of snakes, the tendrils of pure ebony collected and piled along one another, growing higher and higher from the water; an act Kawa had not once witnessed. She became enthralled by the act, entranced even, as she merely stood and gaped as the tendrils moved more and more, finally seeming to create a figured shape atop a tall pillar. Adjusting the bangs, now soaked and sticking to her forehead, to tuck behind her ear, Kawa gazed upward toward the shadowed figure who, as the snaking tendrils began to fully take shape, bore a far more recognizable appearance than she wished to admit..

"Y...You're..."

Widen further, those pair of teal hues did, gazing upon a figure that matched her own set upon the highly build sludge-made pillar. It was truly a grotesque sight to see oneself beyond that of a surface reflection, expressing maddening intent and radiating the pure abomination that lurked within the pit of the young healer's very own soul. Another lump formed as she felt herself frozen in place for the moment as the creature stretched an arm out toward her direction.

Immediately, the Yonbantai-Taicho reached for the sheath of her blade, expected at her hip, though found no weapon to retrieve. However, as the light-filled rain continued to pour from the heavens above, it began to nearly tear apart the shadowed creature, taking away its pillar and nearly the entirety of its arm with simple droplets of rain. Was that the work of that vial? Was it true? Was there a way to purify Hollow reiatsu after infection? The doctor watched in pure awe as the rain continued to wash away any trace evidence of the mirrored figure, reducing its shield and its own body to the very pile of black goo from which it had originated.

Before a single relieving sigh could escape her gaped open lips, a tremendous shake rattled the entirety of her inner world as the waters beyond the sand waved and crashed, then split into two two like a knife carving through her very own existence. Parting the sea like Moses himself, that thick, infection reiatsu could be felt, and as Kawa lowered her stance in preparation for some kind of attack, a figure shot passed her, with lingering burning sensation from the Hollowfied reiatsu.

Following the faint trail of spiritual residue it left in its wake, Kawa's unblinking eyes grew larger than ever before. The stance, the shape... the densely hollowfied reiatsu. Despite the figure turning to reveal its identity within the confinements of its cloak, her mind had already attempted to envision what laid beneath... no matter how improbable, how unlikely it may seem... his voice made it as clear as day.

>>“It’s been a like time, K.”

A wave of memories she had kept under tight lock and key came crashing down upon her as she found her tears falling before she could even react to what stood before her. There he was... as real as she herself, standing before her...

"Q...Q-Quinn...?" Her voice was trembling, her body equally so, as a single arm stretched outward. No... this couldn't be real. Quinn was dead. She witnessed it moments before she fell unconscious. The evidence of his death was passed on to her; her constant migraines were a daily reminder of his passing. No, Kawa; Quinn was dead. He's dead; he isn't real... stop...

>>“Don’t mind me saying this, but that wet uniform makes your tits look nice, K."

"Quinn!" Kawa found herself exclaiming his voice as she took two uncertain steps toward him. That cocky grin, that flashy entrance, and his perverted manner; it was all too real not to be him. Every form of resolve was slowly melting from the steel barrier Kawa had long since built around her, shattering as the man gave that same trademark grin and expressed his eyes entirely upon her breasts; the beast.

"You dick," Kawa's voice was shaking even more as a smile appeared on her features. Even still, the voices inside of her continued to shout warnings of protest, but... it was Quinn... Quinn was here... with her, again...

>>“Woah woah, K, why so sad? I figured you’d be jumping my bones by now.”

She wouldn't really call it sad; somber, perhaps. Or maybe she was trying to convince herself of that? Her heart betrayed her thoughts as she fell subconsciously into his arms. The heat from his body, his scent, the rough grain of his beard... everything screamed reality. Her intuition, however, pulled at her, tightening her chest and making it unbearable to even breathe. Never before had she felt such an intense emotional breakdown as the walls she had placed for as long as she could remember, came crashing down by the one man who could.

This wasn't right...

None of this was right...

But why fight it? Why continue to lock her heart away? Why remain steeled up, and bottle everything inside...? Because-

Kawa felt the sudden jerking movement, being lightly shoved back by the shoulders as the vacancy of heat left her to the chilling atmosphere of the rain pouring down around them. Instantly, she felt a chill in her spine and her breath catch, wishing so desperately to have that mere embrace stretch for eternity.

Stop

As the man before her nodded his head and his trademark grin flinched, her mind took priority over her heart, and though she felt she could perhaps, just for a moment longer, relish in the fantasy... she knew she couldn't. She... didn't deserve to...

>>“How about we go find a place out of this rain? I like the view it’s giving me, but I don’t think you getting sick would make for a decent night, eh?”

"Quinn, wait," Kawa's tone was hesitant upon his name, but more forcefully sharp upon the second, acting more of a command than a request. Was it that she believed this to all be merely fantasy, a creation of her own mental anguish over the guilt she felt deep down within her heart? Or was it merely that she didn't believe such an event could unfold for her? Was her penance not the pain she felt every day since his passing? Had she not vowed never again to allow anyone else to hold such a strong grip upon her heart?

"I don't deserve to act out a fantasy like this," Kawa expressed, her eyes closed momentarily as her expression steeled. She couldn't look at him, not only in the eyes, but even gaze upon his form... not while keeping her wits about. "I know you're not real... I know you're likely a manifestation of my memories... even your scent is the same... it's... sickeningly accurate. Though I can't say honestly that I wouldn't give anything to change what happened that day... maybe if I had refused the transfer request so I could have been there with you... or selfishly taken you with me back to the Seireitei."

With each passing syllable, the emotional woman melted away, as the barrier she had worked so hard to keep up started to rebuild once more around her. She opened her eyes, though looked passed her former love, beyond and toward the side, keeping him within her peripherals, but not her sight's focus. The more her logic formed over emotion, the more she felt the logical voice cursing her for something she obviously didn't deserve.

"But... you can't be here right now."

That's why she was alone, wasn't it? It was... more comfortable that way.

That's why she continued to push her family away, to drive a wedge between her and her stubborn father. That's why she acted cold, pessimistic, even aggressive at times... it was easier that way, to not deal with people. Treat people coldly, and they'll avoid you. People are a hassle; they all have problems, they're all selfish, they all lie... her thoughts continued to roller-coaster up and down, left and right, though stayed relatively on the same track... push people away, push everyone away... push Quinn away.

"I'm not sure if you're here to guide me or to entrap me... but you can't be here, Quinnell. You need to go."

Alone... it was easier to do this alone. Whatever she needed to face, she couldn't do it with him...

That's it Kawa...

Keep it up...

It's easier this way.

>>“I can’t be here? You say that like you didn't bring me here, Kawa. How many decades has it been since you absorbed what was left of me into you? How many years, months, days, hours, minutes, seconds do you think I spent drowning in your soul as you and that old fool Izumi tightened the seals on me.”

The coldness her mind yearned for and her heart regretted was finally received, in full force as the smile faded and his tone became as thickly iced as her very own. The invisible strap around her chest expanded and tightened further, feeling as though a corset was tightly bound, exalting her breath to the point of suffocation. With such a dry throat, despite the moisture around them, the young doctor could no longer swallow that swollen lump within her throat and did her best to save face. His lashing words were like a fiery whip against her very soul, and while it tore her apart on the inside, outside, she remained as stone-faced as she possibly could.

>>“I've never left, Kawa. Shouldn’t be here?”

CRACK

The man reached skyward, commanding the heavens to his beck and call. With a simple motion of his wrist, the clouds began to spiral, bringing forth a thunderous roar and a powerful wind that threatened to knock over the far shorter woman. Lightning seared the skyline through the thick gathering of ebony clouds, fading the environment in darkness and devouring the light like a starved demon. Appearances alone wouldn't suffice as the woman's expression cracked in realization of what was happening. The air became more difficult to breathe, making each attempt elongated and more difficult than the last; whether it was the atmospheric change or not, she wasn't certain. Nevertheless, Kawa grabbed her chest and attempted to leap back, though with the weighted sensation her body felt, only managed a few hobbled steps. She was breaking again; stop.

>>“I am here, Kawa.”

Don't fight him, don't fight him; anything but him, why does it have to be him?

Stop it; just shut up, it isn't really him. He's dead; Quinn is dead! This is just a trick, an illusion...

It's that presence, using your memories...

But you can't fight your memories, you have to preserve them... that's all you'll ever have...

Isn't that what you want? No more memories? To just... exist?

No, you want to matter-

Stop...

The whites of his eyes cracked, unleashing an obsidian torrent over those, once, lively emerald hues. A dense wave of spiritual pressure expanded outward, clashing against her pathetic defenses and forcing the woman to lift her arms up merely to keep his figure within her line of sight. His following words, however... before he had even a moment to speak them, they were there... within her thoughts, within her heart... she knew them, heard them... felt them before they reached her ears. In a far more bestial voice, he called out once more to her...

>>“I am you.”

Pain; excruciating pain ignited within her head, far worse than she could ever imagine. It wasn't enough to make her scream, it wasn't enough to make her cry out in agony... no, this pain... pain of this magnitude, it froze you... you couldn't react, you could only remain as you are... aware, and nothing more. Her eyes were wide as teal colored hues shrunk to near nonexistent; the moment his eye had started to bleed black, Kawa's own reacted similarly. She could feel each wave of blackness within her eye attempting to swallow and consume her iris as it burned so severely into that fiery scarlet hue. She couldn't breathe, couldn't move, only twitch and tremble under the immense gravity of absolute agony.

THUD

Her body fell to her knees as her head bobbed back and forth, eyes still wide and unable to focus. A trembling hand finally moved, catching her as she pressed her hand against the muddied sands below, gripping the earth with all her strength as the other hand reached for her temple. Her skull felt as though it would burst at any moment as every nerve connection within her head ignited into pulsing flames one after another. As her vision began to whiten from the lack of oxygen, she was finally gifted with the ability to breathe, taking in one, long, stagnant breath.

Just as her Inner World became as twisted and torn, as did her psyche, as the thought of condemning the man she loved to an eternal imprisonment within the darkest, infected regions of her very own soul.

No... this wasn't her... he wasn't her... it couldn't be-she... she was...

"Y-you're... you're not... you're not me..."

Kawa lifted her head as tears or blood of black streamed down that infected eye. Beyond the pain, beyond the guilt, there was one thing that remained superior within her than anything else...

Denial...

"You're not him either!"