Memories [Strider]

Time is the only thing I have in my life anymore, I can no longer be the prosperous leader I was back in the old days when the Eighth Division was assigned to the front lines of the fight, the kind of slaughtering I saw there I had never seen before, the kind of blood that was spilled that day is blood I never want to see again. When I awake in the night with trickles of sweat running down my forehead, delving into the crevices of my wrinkles, the memories of the Kido being fired over my shoulder as I lead the bombardment of attacks, there were no limits there; I can remember at many battles my head would smash directly into a hollows, they'd attempt to open their mouths in time but I'm stronger, faster, better. I remember the splatters of hollow meat being sprayed onto me as the eleventh squad came in for backup, slaughtering those who stood in our way, the Kido corps providing artillery towards the oncoming fleet of hollows, to be truthful, I thought that would be my last day. One of the most distinct memories I have is of at least 50 hollows who were all the same height (about 3ft) and attempted to dogpile onto me to be some sort of lynching, my former lieutenant had the same treatment, he was ripped into shreds, hunks of flesh being torn out in front of my own eyes, the fear I formerly had just...disappeared. 

Seeing my allies being treated so badly I had finally decided to use my bankai and for everytime I clashed my sword up against the flesh of a hollow, I remember putting my rage into it and slashing through hollows, not just one clean cut, a barrage of slices across the body, the wounds that I incurred on those hollows that day are frightening. The fight taught me when to hold back and it taught me the true meaning of peace, when I and 4 other survivors of the 700 men sent to fight the 3000 hollows coming straight for us, when all the bodies laid on the battlefield, some of us began to weep, some began to curse, I dropped to my knees staring upwards into the sun, as we had fought the sun had continually sunk and sunk until it was almost dark out, it made me realise, if we had died, nothing would've changed, the world would've kept on spinning. The moment I realised how small we were was the moment I realised how strong peace is and how even though the days may go on, I'd prefer it if we had the same amount of people because war, war changed nothing but I knew it had to happen when two factions collided, from there I urged my superior to stop the war and what she told me will still haunt me to this day, "The amount of times I've begged for piece from the enemy cannot be counted, I have never wanted peace more Xybalanque, so do not lecture me about how you want peace, because that's all I've ever wanted", the words may not be so influential but the tone of voice and her face had such a disgusted emotion that I felt ashamed of even thinking that our leader hadn't though of peace, it was then from there I began to despise the leader of the hollows because he only wanted peace the minute he started to lose.